New Year ” resolutions ” part 4.

Nothing posted yesterday as I spent the day with my brother doing stuff for our parents, who are both quite elderly. Dad is 91 and now in a nursing home and Mam, while she is 89, still lives at home but needs a lot of help dealing with banks and bills. So that basically is what we were at.

Also yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of our youngest sister’s death, so it was important for us to spend some time with our folks. We brought Mam to visit her grave and laid flowers there. Dad unfortunately is not strong enough for that.

However, though I didn’t post, it was not far from my mind as the break from alcohol continued and in the back of my mind words and ideas for a post churned around.

For a start I wasn’t driving, so under normal circumstances it would have crossed my mind during the day how I deserved/wanted/needed a drink. For example, I would have planned and would have looked forward to having a drink while I waited for the train home. But all was well, because anytime I got the urge I visualised myself with a drink to my lips and said:

” Naw ! I don’t want that !”

It’s a technique I used when I gave up cigarettes. Because I really didn’t want one, because I had gone past the will I won’t I, the what if period, visualising myself taking a drag from one was enough to kill the craving. I’m doing the same with booze. It’s working at the moment so fingers crossed. That technique has worked for me in the past and it’s working now. It’s not so much the drink I don’t want, it’s the fact that I would be so annoyed with myself at not having even made it to the weekend of the first week of my break. I would feel so let down by myself. Who wants to be called weak willed, even if it is by oneself ? I also knew that if I had had a drink yesterday, I would have continued drinking after getting home. And then this morning would have kicked in with a massive sense of why did I do that ? I’m not talking about getting pissed last night, which I would not have done, it’s more that I didn’t make it through a short period of nights without alcohol. ” Can I not do that much ? ” would have been my question. ” Yes you can ! ”Β has got to be the answer.

I have to say I’m quite happy with the way the trip to Waterford worked. I won’t say I was concerned about how I would cope with being on a break from alcohol there. It was more a case of rising to the challenge. And it was a challenge in the sense that I was presented with a number of opportunities and chances that I would have grasped in the past.

My train was due in at 5.15 p.m. Wednesday evening and I knew my sister, with whom I was staying, would not be in from work ’til later at 7.00. Immediately there’s a good excuse to sit and relax somewhere snug and warm. So I had planned that instead of the half hour walk to her house, I would detour and turn it into an hour long jaunt around the streets, then, into her house, shower and freshen up. Sounded like a plan. However the weather had other ideas. Lashing rain when I arrived put paid to the idea of a nice walk around town. It was obvious I had to head straight to her house, which, as a result would involve passing the warm and snug hostelry of choice. No problem. I was so wet, without a change of clothes, I had get in to get them dried before she got home. The thought of stopping in for a non-alcoholic beer flitted through my mind, but even that got short shrift. I was too wet ! Heating on, jeans hung up,shower, an hour’s reading, sister home, chat, dinner eaten, some television, bed by 10.00. Happy days! Did it !

I slept well, so perhaps the promise of better sleep is already being kept. Anyway, I’ve already spoken about yesterday, Thursday, except to say my brother gave me a lift back to the train and on the way he had to collect a consignment of whiskey for his brother -in-law, who is a publican. We had enough time to spare so he suggested we have a drink. It had after all been a long, busy, stressful day. Was it a challenge to me ? Yep ! An opportunity ? Yep ! Did I ? Nope !

” What’ll ya have ? ”

” A bottle of sparkling water please. Thanks . I’m on a break.”

” Right so. For January is it ?”

” No not for January specifically. Just a break. For at least the month of January though. I’ll see how I’m going after that. ”

” Fair play. Could we have a bottle of sparkling water and a small whiskey please ? ”

” Do you want ice and a slice of lemon with the water ? ”

” Thanks and a drop of water with the whiskey please. ”

” Cheers ! That was a good day’s work. We got a lot done. Here’s to Anne Maria. She loved this pub. “

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About queasypaddy

I am a musician, sometime poet and songwriter, a budding artist and a separated, retired primary school teacher, in a happy relationship which is caring, sharing and supportive.
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