New Year ” resolutions ” part 9

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So here we are . It’s Thursday already and I have nothing written all week. Been busy, writing has been on my mind a lot though. On my mind. Not on the page. Didn’t know where to start . Didn’t know what to say nor how to approach what it was that needed to be said.

I’ve been on a break from alcohol since the first Monday of January because I wanted to be and needed to be. It was all becoming too much of a habit, this daily drinking lark. But I wasn’t giving up completely, nor was I doing it for January. I was doing it for myself. I was taking a break and I was completely free to decide when that break would end.

Friday of last week we went down to my house in West Cork for the weekend. We had not been there since the beginning of December. The house needed to be checked, post collected, the beach walked.

And I had a drink – Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night. Every night of the weekend and in fact every night since. I don’t know ! What can I say ? It’s like the previous three weeks had not happened. I’m not sure what I’ve learned – if anything.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday away for the weekend, have a drink. No problem. No guilt. No intoxication. No hangover. Civilised.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday nights ! Tonight ? Now that’s different because that is precisely the habit I had hoped would be broken. Drink at the weekend, Billy, moderately, save money and lose weight. Feel better about yourself physically, mentally, emotionally. Have a grip on things. Take charge.

Why Monday night ? I think that, because I had a drink over the weekend, the beer which had been in the fridge finally flexed its muscle, exerted its power. It called to me and I answered its call. It’s much easier to say yes than to say no. And no matter what else can be said, the bottom line is – I wanted to say yes. I didn’t want the hassle of wondering will I, won’t I ? I took the easy option. And then Tuesday and Wednesday nights continued the pattern. No doubt tonight will be the same.

Anyway that’s you brought up to date, but possibly more importantly – Β me brought up to date. What I mean is that having thought about it, I feel that writing about myself and alcohol, I’m really writing for myself. We all love the likes and even more so, the comments we get on our writing, but in this case,for me, it’s the ” paper ” that’s listening !!

Talk again soon.


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