This isn’t a post about Tarot. It’s a sort of catch up I suppose. I wrote the piece below, which is bracketed and in italics, in late January 2016 shortly after visiting Dad in the nursing home. He died alone there a few days after that visit which is probably why I never finished it. I only came across it yesterday after revisiting my blog site after being away from it for over a year.
At the moment I’m reading “Sepulchre” by Kate Mosse which is set in France with part of the story set in 1891 and the other part set in 2007. Somehow a unique Tarot deck is involved in the story uniting both periods, separated by over a century, but I’m not far enough into the book to know how or why. However this has given me a spur to revisit my own deck and finding the unfinished post set out below, gives me a place to start reading again.
So to finish that old reading from January 2016 :
( ” What do I need to know for today ? “
Before I pulled cards for today I split them into three groups, found two cards which were reversed, sorted them, shuffled the pack, set the question and pulled my usual three. As I’ve mentioned before I’m only learning the Tarot so I don’t reverse cards. Look what happened – two were reversed. Don’t ask ! Don’t know !!
Even though my question was my usual, Dad and his health and situation in the nursing home, was very much to the fore in my mind. I went to see him Wednesday just gone and was shocked by his deterioration since the last time I’d seen him, which was only last week. He was in the day room, his head slumped on his chest, asleep in his wheel chair. I took his hand and though he woke, there was little or no recognition and through the hour I spent with him, no conversation. Rather disturbing and upsetting. )
The Ten of Cups heralds a time of peace and harmony and I remember thinking at the time I pulled those cards that death for Dad would be a release from the suffering and misery he was experiencing at that late stage of his life. We, his family, knew he had little time left and though not wishing him to leave us, we knew it would be for the best. That card brought some comfort to me.
I don’t know what happens after death. Nobody does. No matter that some may be very dogmatic about it, how can they know for certain? All I can hope for is that those we love and miss are at peace and somehow “in the light.”
I’ve read a number of books about near-death experiences and my hope is that, as Dad lay dying alone in that nursing home room, all those he loved and lost over the course of a long life were there with him to help and to welcome him back to them. Anne Maria to the forefront no doubt ! Who knows ?
I was surprised to see two cards reversed as I don’t do that. The Queen of Swords represents an independent person, so reversed in relation to Dad, spoke to me of his loss of same. Gradually over a good number of years he went progressively downhill where he eventually got to the point of being unable to be cared for properly at home. Hence the nursing home where he faded rapidly. Depression, pain, infirmity and loss of dignity tore at him every day, stripping him of everything, ’til there was little or nothing left of the man we knew and loved.
The Chariot reversed can indicate a lack of control, a life spiraling downwards which in Dad’s case had no chance of being turned around. He was at the end and there was nothing he or anyone else could do to turn it back from the direction in which it was headed. The end was near and I remember speaking to the nurse in charge as I left asking her not to hide any information from us regarding the time frame. There was no need to sugarcoat anything that needed to be said.
The three cards pulled shortly before his death were very apt. I really don’t know what Tarot is about and as I said this post is not about Tarot but a catch up and, as it has turned out, a revisiting of Dad’s last few days, post Father’s Day.